You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
