Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
