Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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