she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
