I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
