its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
