Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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