think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize