Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
