can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
