So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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