i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
