hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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