I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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