THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize