Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize