I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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