a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
