I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
