Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
