Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Randomize
