The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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