none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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