I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
