$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
