you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
