i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
