sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
