You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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