As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
