why didn't you poke me back
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
