idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
