I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
