So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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