Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
