My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
