Pappa wants mamma naked
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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