just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
