I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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