I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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