sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
