You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
