She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
