Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
