i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
