She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
