ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
