I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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