So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
