Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to make a zoo with you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize