Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
