My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
