Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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