READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
