I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
