he was CRYING into my vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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