A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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