if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
