Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize