I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize