She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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