brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you made out with another girl for some wings
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
please don't ironically join a cult
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