Kiss
Puke
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
