the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That accounts for only three of the penises
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
